Writings

So we have been living at Mag Mell for 5 months.

Ex husband has sold Tir na NOg and I am waiting on the money he still owes me.

Mag Mell is a nice place.  I have been complimented on what a nice house we have moved to.

Every compliment, I have smiled but in my head, I have said “But it’s not Tir na NOg.”

That’s right it isn’t. It will never be.

That chapter is over. Finished. Finito.

It’s been an odd time of feeling home here, yet feeling detatched. The things that centred me at Tir na NOg are not here. One thing I loved so much was the trees and how they ‘spoke’ to me. To stand and look at the sea and be at peace.

I am not excited about where I live. Not like I was at Tir na NOg. That place still holds such a magical feel for me.

For the last few days, we have been visited by tuis. There are two beautiful kowhai trees that hang over from the neighbours. It is FULL of beautiful yellow flowers. Tuis LOVE kowhai flowers and drink their nectar. Tuis also have a distinct sound. They sit outside our kitchen window in the trees, singing ALL day.

Over the last couple of days, I have come to realise how pretty it is. Mother Nature talking to me.  The tui sound is very kiwi, and as I feel so ‘Irish’, it is a bit odd, yet I find myself enjoying it.

Today as I listened, the thought struck me, I have been so busy looking back, I haven’t stopped to look at the now.

There is beauty here, and no, not like the beauty of Tir na NOg, but a beauty nevertheless.

I think it’s time to stop comparing. I have done nothing but compare since I have moved here and found here seriously lacking. In doing so, I have missed the beauty that IS here.

I have grieved for so long, and I know grief is a process, but I think it is time for me to be more open to the beauty that IS our new life.