New Year

So it’s 2011.

A New Year.

A fresh start, new plans, new hopes, new dreams.

Only it’s not.

While I am moving forward and decluttering the past and leaving it behind, I find I have been so focused on doing that, that when I look ahead, there is nothing, nada, zip.

I try to get excited and think of ‘something’ new I would like to do or try and there is nothing.

I have been wondering if I am stuck in my depression, or if I need to see someone.

The kids are doing better, we are all doing so much better. I was so sick over winter, but have recovered. I have got my head in the space where I am ready to sell the house and move on.

Then I realised, I am not making any plans or dreams, because I am here. I am living the life I always wanted to have, the one I had planned for. I like the interests I have and don’t want to change them. I like the circle of friends I have and don’t want to change it. I like who I am for the most part and apart from the odd tweak here and there, think I am ok.

And I think we are where we are meant to be.

So maybe, for now, the hopes of dreams for 2011 are to continue as we are as much as possible, weaving through the end of our journey that is called getting divorced,  gelling together as a restructured unit. It won’t always ben easy or happy, but when is life always easy and happy?

So this year is not a year of dreams and hope, but a year of slow change, slow evolution. The Phoneix will rise from the ashes. When it’s ready.

This is a time of rebirth. And whenn rebirth happens, so will any new dreams and hopes.

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2 Comments »

  1. Beet said

    I wonder too if perhaps looking too far forward is unwise because, well, whether or not you get to stay where you wasnt to be isn’t really in your hands to control.

    I hope you get to stay put for as long as possible chook! For as long as you need to 🙂

  2. river said

    Slow change is better. Rushing things never works out.
    I hate the thought of you leaving such a beautiful home.

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