The Judge has been silenced

I have lived for a number of years with an over riding voice in my head. It was a harsh critical voice that would leave me emotionally exhausted and feeling worthless and rejected.  After realising this voice had too much control and that instead of viewing it as self talk, I gave this voice a name.

The Judge.

Sometimes the Judge would sound like people in my life.  The Judge would take a random comment from a person and magnify it and turn it on me. Sometimes the Judge would measure me up alongside someone in a similar position to me and assess how I was doing in comparison. The Judge would always come to the conclusion that I could do better, could be doing it differently.

I came to the place where I needed to deal with the Judge.

One thing I noticed is the more contact I had with certain kinds of people in my life, the louder the Judge was. The less contact I had with them, and the Judge could be managed. These people weren’t horrible or anything, just not healthy for me.

Slowly, over time, I found the Judge was getting quieter and quieter. As the Judge got quieter, I found I started liking myself more. Without the Judge continuously judging me, passing sentance and condemning me, I found the heavy load of self loathing, self destruction and depression starting to leave.

I have learned to be aware of situations where the Judge might try to come in and take control. I am learning how to manage the Judge.

I was marvelling at how quiet the Judge has been. Enjoying the bliss that exists when the Judge is silent.

Then a phone call changed all that.  A simple conversation and it felt like the Judge had been waiting to pounce.

So I took charge. I know my happy place.

Water.

Hit the shower. Closed my eyes and imagined the water washing away the words of the Judge. Imagined them being scrubbed away with the shampoo, erased them from the walls of my mind. It was Cleansing and Purifying. Allowed the voice of Truth to be heard. The Judge pushed one more time, and I imagined the words of the Judge jumbled inside a box, imagined a door and put it outside.

The Judge has been silenced.

Advertisements

2 Comments »

  1. Hope all is well with you and the children and the new people in your life are positive and refreshing! 🙂

  2. Thank you !!!!

    Yes, we have lovely neighbours and all is going well !!!!

RSS feed for comments on this post · TrackBack URI

Talk to me !!!!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: