Apparently it doesn’t count

I received a phone call from my Dad.

Firstly, this is nice. For years, I have talked to Mum, and Dad has been unavailable. Or when we talk, it has been brief.

I have missed my Dad and our chats.

This year has been different. Mum hands over the phone. Or Dad calls and we talk first.

I texted Mum that I had got the papers to file for divorce Dissolution of Marriage.

They asked about the First Spawn, and her graduating. First Spawn is at Uni doing a degree.  First Spawn had an incredibly traumatic year that threw her off her game. (This is the girl that received a scholarship that paid for her first year at Uni) So it has taken a wee bit longer for her to finish. I am cool with that.

As we were chatting, Dad asked about graduation, when and where.

First Spawn doesn’t want to attend the ceremony. First Spawn doesn’t like the spotlight. She wants to graduate quietly. No cap and gown.

While *I* would love that, I am happy to respect her wishes.

I told Dad all this and he asked me to talk to her as her and Mum would love to attend as :

SHE IS THE ONLY ONE IN THIS FAMILY WHO HAS ACHIEVED ANYTHING THAT IS WORTH SOMETHING.

Self esteem took a bit of a hit. We talked some more and he said it again.

I asked him if me producing 5 children was worth something. He laughed and said I don’t get capped and gowned for that.

He wasn’t being horrible. He didn’t intend to hurt.

I have done many degrees in my life.

I have a Bachelorette in watching my son die after signing a DNR, and dealing with life after that.

I have a Diploma in being called a Refrigerator Mum and negligant after not one but 2 diagnoses of Autism and one of ADD. People can be asshats.

I have a Marriage Certificate that represents 14 years of living with a High Functioning Asperger’s man which resulted in stress related illnesses and antidepressants. I never gave up hope. I was commited and loyal.

I have been on seminars and gave up what I wanted in order to homeschool and give my kids the best opportunity in life I could give them.

But no one wants to give me a cap or gown.

So I guess it doesn’t count.

This is not a wah wah post. This is a “dude, I HAVE done something with my life post.” It is a something, for the most part, that I am very proud of post. I don’t get to put letters after my name, but I have worked my arse off. I haven’t received a wage for my work, I haven’t received much recognition along the way, but I haven’t wanted it either.

I just think it sucks that my daughter is going to graduate and because she can reguritate information, SHE is the one who is held in high regard. Don’t get me wrong, I am very proud of her too. I am proud of all my children and what they achieve and have achieved.

When I talked with her, she told me about a conversation she had with my father. Papa. There is alot of disappointment towards those who had children out of wedlock (me, my brother, and his 2 daughters)

Mum, Dad, I am sorry I didn’t live my life the way you wanted me to. But I wasn’t put on this earth to make you proud or to please you. I just wish you can see past the unplanned pregnancy, and the failed marriage, and can see I don’t need a degree to be successful.

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1 Comment »

  1. Well, you and I can be in the failure club. I think what you have achieved has been pretty remarkable. CONGRATS to your daughter and honestly, congrats to you for being free. You lost everything to do it, but still…

    HOW ARE YOU lately, anyway? Want to hear more.

    Maybe it’s a good thing we don’t talk to our family too much…

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