1/3 of the way through 2012

At the beginning of the year, I made plans. Lifestyle changing plans.Things to improve the life that the children and I are living.

As time went on, challenges/obstacles came up in my way. So I would rethink and readjust. The reality is though, nothing has really changed as such.

Sure, we are happy and healthy, but I just feel like I am existing, drifting, and not really heading in the direction where I want to be.

Sometimes I think challenges and obstacles happen by my own making. Sometimes I think they are to develop my character and sometimes I have to wonder if it is the Universe’s way of telling me I am on the wrong path.

I am still a little angry. Angry as some of the choices I am making or have made, I feel have been forced on me. I wouldn’t be making these decisions if ……… The reality is, here I am. A single parent with 3 children at home.

I was sent an article a couple of months ago reminding me of the kind of person I was married to and the impact it had on me. I re read it again today. Something that has struck me is that while I am no longer in that marriage, I am still following some of the negative patterns I learned while I was in it. I haven’t quite broken the cycle. Sure, I have moved forward, yes I see change, but there are times when it’s not my ex husband pulling me down anymore, but me. The train of thought that I learned still bounces around in my head. It’s not as loud as it once was, but it’s still there.It needs to stop.

So, once again, I am stripping back all the crap, taking one step at a time. The toxic needs to be eliminated and maybe that will always be an ongoing thing, but I think until I break this cycle, until I decide what it is I truly want here for us at Mag Mell.

So I am rethinking, yet again the direction I want to go in. Reassessing the whys and the hows. I am fortunate in that I see so many opportunities in front of me. Just which one is the right one seems to be the million dollar question.

So I am still taking 2 steps forward and one step back. Well, at least I am moving forward, right?

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