The Tape Recorder

It’s like I have a tape recorder and video in my head.  Certain dates trigger the play button.

For the most part, Finbar’s name is music to my ears. The memory of him brings so much love. He is talked about regularly here and it is a good thing.

However, certain dates trigger certain memories and I find it a bit hard to remember Finbar without crying and hurting.

Today is one of ‘those dates’.  Today is not June 25th 2012, it’s June 25th 1998.

The conversation between the doctor and I is playing over and over again. Every word, every feeling. It’s like it is happening NOW, not 14 years ago.

Diverting my mind only lasts a short while, and I keep returning to that memory.

I wish I could find the ‘stop’ button.


1 Comment »

  1. I know how you miss Finbar! And to think of the lovely young man he would have been, and all you have missed, I’m so so sorry.

    Grief just doesn’t have a timeline and people need to get that and be understanding.

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