You fought.

I have read your medical records. Again.

I have read them about a total of 5 times in 14 years.

I read them at the beginning of last month. I don’t know what it is I am looking for, what it is I need to understand.

Someone posted a picture that said Memories never change. They don’t. I think I need to understand what is behind my memories, what is behind my interpretation of your life.

I have always looked at spirit world, feelings etc. I don’t like to look at facts and the physical. It has always been too painful.

I have googled medical terms. I have spoken to medical people.

The one fact remains. You fought to stay. No one seems to be able to tell me HOW you lived as long as you did. One thing that has really hit home to me is just how much you suffered.  You fought through things that no one should have to go through. You fought to stay. You were an innocent. You deserved better.

I prayed so hard for you. I bargained with God, to heal you. I had faith. More than just a mustard seed.

And when, in my limited understanding at the time, I heard you ask me to let you go. And as hard as that was, I did.

“I love you son, God is going to come for you and when he does, I need you to go. We love you and will miss you. We will never forget you.”

My arms ache to hold you from time to time. Now is one of those times.

I have never said goodbye to you. I never will. I will see you again precious boy. When I cross over to spirit world, heaven, whatever people want to call it, I will wrap you up in my arms and I will never let you go again.






  1. Maybe Finbar will be bigger than you and HE will hold YOU. 🙂

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